In honor of today’s 75th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, I repost my satire if Donald Trump had been president and made the famous address to Congress that FDR made.
Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, members of the Senate and the House of Representatives:
Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 – a date which which was a total disaster –a huge disaster- the United States of America was attacked by the third rate navy and air force of the loser Empire of Japan.
America was at peace with that loser nation, and I had been talking with Japan, was still in conversation with the Japanese, I love the Japanese, I have made great deals with the Japanese. I was talking with that little loser Emperor and his little hands looking toward a deal in the Pacific. Have you looked at his hands? They are so small. I make great deals. I have Japanese living in my buildings.
One hour after Japanese airplanes bombed in Hawaii (I love Hawaii) the lyin’ Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his loser colleague delivered to my Secretary of State a letter to my recent message. I should not have read the letter. I should have said bye bye. This loser reply stated that it seemed useless to continue with diplomatic negotiations; the lyin’ ambassador said nothing about his loser attack which killed our troops. We love our troops. Don’t we love our troops? Nobody loves the troops more than me. I will take care of our troops.
Excuse me, the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the past weeks the third rate Japanese Government has lied to me. The little Emperor lied that he wanted continued peace.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. We will rebuild our military. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed in the ocean between San Francisco and Honolulu. I have made great deals in Honolulu. It’s expensive, but I make great deals. Many Japanese live in my buildings in Honolulu. However, no more Asians will be allowed to enter the United States until our leaders can figure out what the hell is going on.
Yesterday the third rate Japanese Government also launched an attack against Malaya.
Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Hong Kong a colony of a third rate empire. Britain is such a loser. They will not be around much longer. Every night they hide in the subways. What kind of country makes the people hide in the subway? Americans do not hide. We do not hide.
Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam.
Last night loser Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.
Last night the Japanese attacked Wake Island.
And this morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island. Midway is not that big, we really do not need it anyway.
Japan has therefore undertaken a surprise offensive all over the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the America have already formed their opinions and well understand the what this means to the very life and safety of our great nation.
As Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy I have directed that all measures—all measures–be taken for our defense, that always will our whole nation remember the character of the attack against us. I will fight this loser nation. Believe me, I will make America great again.
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this loser attack from a lyin’ nation, the American people, in their might, will win through to absolute victory. I will make Japan pay for this attack. Mark my words. We will rebuild our military and Japan will pay for it. It will happen.
I believe that it is the view of the Congress and of the people when I say that we will not only defend ourselves but will make it very certain that this form of war shall never again endanger us. I will protect America.
Hostilities exist. There is no doubt at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces, with the support of our people, we will win. America will win. So help us God. So help us. Only I can protect America.
Donald Trump says that the Congress must declare that since the unprovoked and loser attack by that little Japanese Hiro on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the third rate Japanese Empire.
President Donald J. Trump – December 8, 1941